Patriarchy means the authority of a father as head of his wife, and as head of the family, with the authority over his children and family life. It is to be distinguished from a matriarchy, in which it is the wife and mother who dominates, makes the important decisions, and rules her home, with her husband being but an adjunct. 

 

The modern feminist movement has done every possible to promote a matriarchy, under the guise of equality between husband and wife.  However, this is but a deception, for wherever the husband’s authority is not acknowledged, the wife tends to take over. There cannot be two equal chiefs in one family.

 

It is clearly evident from Sacred Scripture that a Catholic family must be patriarchal: “Let women be subject to their husbands, as to the Lord; because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church.” (Eph 5:22,23). However, it is the pagan caricature of this natural law, which plays most into the hands of the feminists. This is the case when a husband abuses his authority, whether physically or emotionally, deciding in an arbitrary manner according to his own pleasure, without consideration of the common good of the family and refusing to consult his wife, as a true companion and cooperator in family life. 

 

Pope Pius XI, in his magistral encyclical on Christian marriage, condemns very clearly this excess, with which we are only too familiar: “This subjection, however, does not deny or take away the liberty which fully belongs to the woman both in view of her dignity as a human person, and in view of her most noble office as wife and mother and companion; nor does it bid her obey her husband’s every request if not in harmony with right reason or with the dignity due to wife; nor in fine, does it imply that the wife should be put on a level with those persons who in law are called minors, to whom it is not customary to allow free exercise of their rights on account of their lack of mature judgment, or of their ignorance of human affairs.  (Dec 31, 1930). 

 

Patriarchy is consequently authority combined with responsibility. St. Paul, indeed, completes his statement on the subjection of wives to their husbands by affirming: “Husbands love your wives, as Christ also loved the Church, and delivered himself up for it.” (Ib. v 25). The submission of a wife is consequently a response of love to a husband who takes loving responsibility for his wife and family, each one delighting in their mutually complementary roles, as Pope Pius XI also points out: “For if the man is the head, the woman is the hear, and as he occupies the chief place in ruling, as she may and ought to claim for herself the chief place in love.” (Ib.).

 

Patriarchy is consequently nothing else than understanding the beauty of fatherhood, which is participation in God’s fatherhood (Eph 3:15). All fatherhood is a communication of being, whether it be in the natural level, in which the father shares in God’s creative act by preparing the matter for God the Father to infuse a son, or whether it be on the supernatural level, by cooperating in the sharing of the life of grace. Pope Pius XII, on the feast of St. Joseph, in 1943, gave a discourse to newlyweds in which he explains the cooperation of husband and wife in this mystery of fatherhood. “Yes, your children will be in your image, exactly like yourselves, by means of the human nature, which you, begetting them, will communicate to them. But will they be in your likeness through supernatural life as well?... Be their model in the journey of goodness, and always be such that your children  need only liken themselves to you, and be praised as being in your image, in order for them to respond fully to God’s designs in giving them, through you, a life like yours.”

 

You will notice that both parents share in the grandeur of fatherhood. The success of their mutual efforts depends upon harmony and mutual cooperation. A true husband and father know how much he needs the assistance of his wife to promote the good of his children. He knows that he cannot father alone, and he will know how to inspire, motivate, love, and direct his wife to cooperate with him, but always take an active role himself. This is patriarchy correctly understood in the supernatural sense. The priest has some authority over his flock, in order to draw them to sanctify themselves and save their souls, and consequently, he is right called a priest by his cooperation with Christ. Likewise, a family father deserves the name and title of patriarch by using his authority with similar gentleness, and occasional firmness to impose the sweet yoke and the light burden of Christ (Mt 11:30) on his wife and family. 

 

Pope Pius XII also gave a discourse on the necessary collaboration between husband and wife, whilst different duties devolve on one than on the other. The success of their marriage will depend upon their mutual cooperation in performing their different duties for the good of the whole family and of souls. “One must be sincerely dedicated to cooperation. That dedication is not learned from books but taught by a heart that loves working together in the management of the household; it is reciprocal love, mutual concern, and care of the family nest; it watches in order to learn, learns in order to act, and acts in order to lend a hand to one’s helpmate; in short,  that dedication is the slow and mutual education and fashioning of married life which is necessary for two souls teaching each other how to strive for the attainment of true and intimate collaboration.” (Dear newlyweds, p. 65).

 

The true sense of patriarchy is consequently the assuming of all the responsibilities of authority in family life, so as to motivate this mutual collaboration, respect, and complementarity between husband and wife. It is a loving, truly fatherly example, which inspires mutual sacrifice one for another. It is the clearsightedness and decisiveness that always puts God first and leads by its profound wisdom. It is taking the initiative in the “mutual inward molding of husband and wife, this determined effort to perfect each other” (Pope Pius XI, Ib.), which must be the ultimate goal of all married life.