Many modern women feel torn apart by two apparently contradictory desires:  to dedicate their lives to their husbands and to the their children on the one hand, and to make something of their own lives by their personal interests, achievements, qualities, relationships, hobbies and such like. Indeed, it would seem that if she is to give herself wholeheartedly to being a companion for her husband and a mother to his children, there is no time or energy left for anything else. Later in life, when her children are now grown and self-supporting, she could easily regret not having done something personal for herself.

 

The resolution of this apparent conflict is fundamental to a happy and well balanced marriage and family life. It is certainly true that there is nothing in principle wrong with a married woman maintaining her lady friends, her hobbies, her interests and even some professional activity once she has become a mother. Many mothers are able to do so quite successfully.

 

However, the fundamental point here is that motherhood is a vocation, and that it is a duty, and that consequently, it is the highest priority in a mother’s life. Her success in life, as well as her eternal salvation, will depend upon her fidelity to the duties of motherhood. Frequently, this will eliminate the possibility of many other activities that she happily participates in while single or before becoming a mother. Is this to be regretted? Not at all.

 

Our happiness depends upon the order in our lives. The order in our lives is the accomplishment of the duty that God has given us to do, for this is His holy will. The mother’s role in family life is absolutely essential and irreplaceable. The father simply cannot provide what she provides for the good of the family. Let me quote Pope Pius XII, namely that it is an inexorable truth that “the woman makes the home and takes care of it and that the man can never replace her in this. This is the mission which nature and her union with man has imposed upon her for the good of society itself. Entice her away, lure her far from her family with one of those many attractions that vie to overcome and conquer, and you will see the women leave her family heart untended. Without this fire, the atmosphere of the family grows cold. For all practical purposes the home will cease to exist and will be transformed into a precarious refuge of a few hours.” (Dear Newlyweds, p. 153).

 

It is for this reason that Sacred Scripture says that “she shall be saved through childbearing; if she continue in faith, and love, and sanctification, with sobriety” (I Tim 2:15). The accomplishment of this ideal is the sublime vocation of Catholic motherhood. It requires the sacrifice of all personal interests and activities, inasmuch as is necessary. It means that the priority must always be the husband and the children. It is the heroism of Catholic motherhood to give up all personal likes, attractions for the good of her family. This does not mean that such a total sacrifice is always necessary. Frequently, it is not necessary. However, if circumstances require it, the Catholic mother should rejoice in the mystery of the Cross and sacrificing for her family, and if God blesses her with a large family, she will always  be fully occupied with her children and grandchildren.

 

However, this does not mean that a Catholic mother has to give up all her interests. If she is a musician, she will continue to develop her musical talents and pass them on to her children. Likewise if she is an artist, or a mathematician. The principle is that her husband and her children come first, and not her personal interests nor her professional advancement.  Consequently, to regret or complain about the loss of her personal time for her personal interests is a rebellion against God’s holy will. Certainly in some circumstances, she might be obliged to keep up some charitable or professional activities that are compatible with family life, such as accounting, teaching or nursing, and it is possible for her to return to such activities once her children are fully grown. However, these interests must never be her focus of attention, nor going away from the family to see friends or to keep up some hobbies. To the extent that they are compatible with her vocation, they are permissible, but inasmuch as they interfere, they must be sacrificed.

 

This does not mean, however, that marriage and having children are obligatory. It is a vocation, when God calls a man and a woman to the holy institution of matrimony. It is a sacrament that sanctifies, gives grace depending on their fidelity to the vocation. Many women are not called either to marriage or to the religious life. They can sanctify themselves by a single life in the world, and as such are free to keep their own interests, professions, and hobbies. They do not commit a sin by so doing, and for many it is the will of God. However, if called to the heroic ideal of motherhood, the Catholic woman must be ready and willing to sacrifice whatever it takes to be faithful to her vocation. This she will never regret, and it will bring about the full flowering of her personality, as she imitates the Blessed Virgin Mary, who consecrated her whole life to her divine Son.

 

Rev. Father Peter Scott